l\ike a lizard on a bridge of coconuts, \9what is this longing)

find myself cocooned in warm feelings as conscious awareness stumbles into me and jolts me back into the here and now. It amuses me to find the traces of a smile lingering still on my lips. I look again at my favorite photo on display. A camel with the noblest of heads and the softest of expressions in his gentle eyes is resting his head on the shoulder of his owner and nuzzling the old Arabs cheek.
The Arab is dressed in traditional burnous and headwrap, leaving on display only his bushy eyebrows and a grin of delight that seems to stretch from ear to ear.
the look in his eye always touches me with the Aah factor. You know the one, it springs unbidden and buds and blossoms in the heart, like when you see the young of any species. Perhaps a lamb waggling his tail as he gambols in the spring sunshine or a kitten spooking at shadows.
My love of the desert is a standing joke amongst my friends and so far non of them have been enamoured of the idea of joining me on a trek.

For some this land of harsh and haunting beauty exerts a strange hold. A passion, love at first sight a dangerous lover even; who demands your return again and again. And you know that nothing but nothing will quell the longing inside you until you get your fix.

It begins slowly at first,a thought a smile a memory, then it gains momentum. Like hunger you can ignore it at first and like the last hour of Ramadan, soon Inshallah soon.....
The tempo increases and each and every thought circles back to those Sapphire skies and soaring dunes sculpted by natures Divine architect, the pristine points sharp as the crease in a soldiers uniform. It makes you wonder if the angels have heavenly irons. Friends for supper, I will make tagine of lamb. My Bedouin friend Yussef gave me the Tagine on my last visit. Time for work; a camel works until he drops dead, sometimes I think we carers will do this also. Soon Inshallah soon...

I recall myself losing self in the Photo just moments ago and smile. I know the signs, my lover has begun to whisper my name once again.
Ah this is a bad idea, I need to move, I mean I really need to move house, also now is high season (ouch) I should be saving not spending, and then theres the modest overdraft, my work as ever uncertain.

No wonder I smile, it's sheer folly but I know I am going, have to go. I look again into the mans' eyes and struggle to find an adjective to describe the look. Turning to my friend Ugg I ask him to describe the look and what the man may be feeling. \he grins and quips "Wait until I get you home" I burst into peals of laughter, there is nothing like old friends to keep you grounded.

the Desert is one place I can go and simply be. Everything is done at the camels pace, the days and nights flowing in timeless rythm, the days segmented only by prayers Fajr Zhur Magrib and Isha. The nights I bed down outside and contemplate the endless stars. Here with fewer distractions the senses sharpen. At home the constant buzz of electical items is only noticed by its absence, as in the stillness of a power cut while here every moment is filled with that pregnant stillness.

By the very nature of the journey one tastes real Humility, the desert a great equaliser,for beggar and king alike would not last 24 hours without water.in this harsh and inhosptable region. My prayer also take on a different quality Out there you know, \ mean really know that death could come the very next day but for water an the grace of Allah.
The thought inspires me to climb the tallest dune and make dhikr under a sky that reminds me of black velvet covered in handfuls of diamonds stewn in carelss abundance..
The Oneness feelling comes upon me and the stars are now so close I could simply breathe out of this body and touch them. Ahh yes... my desert my lover, \I know why you call me and I know why i run to you.

Here my masks fall away and I become "Naema Sufi" the only part of me that is real in any meaningful sense. Here I know I am more than the sum of my parts.

Truly the Desert casts a spell over some, and \Ithink perhaps, maybe I am one of those kinds of people. I love the silence and stillness, sometimes the only sound to be heard is the soft PFFFFh as the camels foot glides across the sand. \or perhaps a spontanious song will burst from within my guides breast. \It's rich cadence and harsh gutteral sounds hang in the clear air. \la ilah ha illallah and it is easy to imagine that every grain of sand and every rock is singing Mohamedin Rasoolahalah with me and for a moment the boundaries of this thing I call myself blur and there is no self to find I am lost in you. lost yet truly alive



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May Allah bless you and forgive me. Ney